Golf, Booze, and Bullsh*t: Stop Telling Women This Is How Deals Get Done!

So I was at an event recently and overheard this conversation that stopped me in my tracks, so much I almost spit out my diet coke!

Picture this: a young woman, brand new SDR, excited, eager to learn, no prior sales experience; but she wants to crush it in tech sales. She’s chatting with some folks, asking real questions. I heard her talking about drinking with prospects and trying to figure out how to “build up” her tolerance so she can keep up with all the rounds at upcoming tradeshows and concerned because she doesn’t know how to golf. She was legitimately trying to learn.

Then this accomplished and successful, near-retirement age, white man, clearly proud of his “sales wisdom,” jumps in to offer up advice, and he says:

“Well, do you know how to golf? If you want to be successful in sales, you have to learn how to golf. That’s how deals get done.”

Now I’m locked in. I’m biting my lip. Because:

• That is complete bullshit! I’m sure smoke was oozing out of my ears as I was listening in!

• And she actually took it in, like, “Oh wow, I should learn to golf. I’ll start learning!”

• She was eating this stuff up!

I couldn’t stay quiet. So I jumped in.

I told her, look, I’m a woman in sales. I used to golf. I get where you’re coming from. But let me ask you:

Are you actually interested in learning to golf?
She said, “No, I just feel like I need to because everyone else does, and I want to have a GREAT career in tech sales.”

So I asked, “Do you think all your prospects golf and smoke cigars and drink scotch (or even most)?” She paused. “Well, no.”

Exactly.

I turned to another woman, who is super successful in sales and asked, “Do you golf?”
“Nope.” And… “How many times have you been salesperson of the year?”
“A lot.”

Boom.

Here’s the truth: that “you have to golf” mentality is outdated nonsense.

I have nothing against golf. I used to be decent at it, okay, maybe not great, but solid. My mom is a competitive golfer and I enjoy golfing with her occasionally, because it’s her thing. I learned to golf in my early 20’s because I thought it was a good sales strategy.

I’m athletic and typically sports activities came easy to me, so this was something I knew I could to do. If I could compete in snowboarding events then golf, that’s nothing. I wanted to make money in sales and I thought it would help me connect with prospects, the leadership, at work, close deals, be respected. Here’s a picture of me to prove it!

But let me tell you what it really looked like:

Me, 25 years old, out on the golf course with guys twice my age, drinking Bloody Marys at 10:30 in the morning. For four hours, I’d hear lewd comments about my swing, my body, my outfit. Unwanted “help” with my swing, touching, uncomfortableness, sexual comments, and if you only knew the shit some of these men said to me. Imagine being stuck in the golf-cart, one-on-one, with “that guy” but not realizing he was “that guy” until…hands inadvertently touching my leg; this happened more than once. Truth.  Meanwhile, I’m trying to go drink-for-drink with them, thinking this is how I prove myself.

So what did I do? I played along, I laughed, I put up with it, I politely declined disgusting offers, brushed it all off. And if THAT wasn’t enough, there were more drinks afterwards in the clubhouse. In hindsight I put myself in precarious situations with men I “worked” with but barely knew. Why? Because I wanted to be the BEST sales manager, the ROOKIE of the Year, I was HUNGRY. I HAD to be the best, and THIS is how I thought all of that would happen.

The reality was I was criticized by others, judged, and there was jealousy. I also abandoned the other women I worked with who didn’t golf, likely making them feel even more excluded, resulting in nothing but animosity. I was attacked in many ways, especially by two male managers who weren’t invited to the golf-outings and they made me their target, but that’s for another article. Suffice it to say, I have learned a LOT over the years!

At the time, I honestly believed the attention was helping me. That this would land me the promotion. Help me close the big deal. Make me “one of the guys.” But looking back, as a 49 year-old-woman, reflecting on my 20’s and early 30’s in sales. I was compromising who I was just to fit into some old-school mold and be part of the “Boys club…” I very well could have achieved all of the recognition and sales awards I did over the years without trying to be part of the “boys club.” I know this now.

I’ve always been a tomboy. I grew up skateboarding, riding motorcycles, fishing, camping, you name it. Hanging with guys wasn’t new to me. But this golf thing was different. This wasn’t about friendship or shared interests by choice. This was me thinking I had to play their game just to be respected.

Listen Up Women!

Now listen carefully, especially if you are a young, aspiring woman: What I’ve learned is that women don’t need to compromise who they are or “play with the boys” in order to be successful in sales or leadership, period.

What about the research?

A study revealed that over 70% of Fortune 1000 CEOs, primarily white men, have done business with someone they met on the golf course (Gray et al., 2020). On top of that, 80% of Fortune 500 execs credit golf with boosting their careers (Gray et al., 2020). Considering that 73% of U.S. golfers are men according to the National Golf Foundation (2025), how are women networking today?

For women, who have long faced systemic barriers to leadership, networking plays an especially vital role in career advancement. The research shows it’s not just beneficial, it’s essential. Companies need to do more to intentionally create spaces where these connections can thrive (Connley, 2023). Companies need to be responsible to support other networking opportunities besides golf for their employees, even if it’s something they’ve always done.

I heard someone in a meeting say to a female employee who doesn’t golf, but is getting pressure to learn because of many upcoming events, “It’s OK you can ride in the cart with me and hold my drink!” The man who said it meant well, but it came across as condescending, demeaning, and pressure-oriented. AND not cool! Companies need to branch out and be intentional about providing diverse networking opportunities for everyone.

Chief’s study also revealed that women who are successful executives, VPs, managers, and directors, don’t even list golf as a networking opportunity they’d consider (Connley, 2023).  Where companies can win with women, and ditch the old golf-adage for “networking” and being successful in sales or leadership, is offer more diverse ways to network. Here are what the women surveyed by Chief said:

Ladies, please don’t fall into this trap!

You don’t need to drink, golf, or do what the boys do to be successful. That’s not how it works anymore. Don’t compromise who you are, your beliefs, and think you have to drink, golf, or put up with nonsense you don’t want to deal with. That is NOT how sales works. That’s not reality.

And honestly? If you’re a white guy in your 60s giving advice to a young woman in her 20s about how to succeed in today’s sales world; you need to sit down. Unless you’re mentoring with actual self-awareness and relevance, you’re doing more harm than good. Get with the times.

---

If you’re starting out in sales, here’s what you actually need to focus on (for people of ALL genders):

• Learn how to prospect in-person through networking events

• Leverage Linkedin and take a modern approach to prospecting

• Learn how to talk about business issues that actually matter to your prospect

• Learn how to use modern tech, automation, and AI

• Learn how to connect with people on a real human level

• Find a mentor, someone who has what you want, you can identify with, and learn from them

If golf is your thing? Cool. Go to the tournaments, tee it up, have fun, use it to your advantage. But if it’s not, don’t force it. Do you.

Success comes from your brain, your curiosity, your work ethic, your heart, your ability to understand your buyer and solve real problems. Not from pretending to be someone you’re not.

At the end of the day?

Find a mentor who gets it. To the young woman SDR, find a woman who’s been there. Don’t let anyone, especially some scotch-sipping, cigar-smoking throwback tell you that you’ve got to conform to the old playbook.

Be real. Be curious. Be authentic.

Understand your buyer’s world, what keeps them up at night, what they actually care about, what you can solve. Build relationships that matter. Be human. Be you.

And if anyone tells you you’ve gotta learn to golf to close a deal?

Smile, nod… and go build a million-dollar pipeline your way.

References

Connley, C. (2023, July 18). No, you don’t need to learn golf to advance: Chief’s study proves women leaders successfully network off the range. Chief. Retrieved August 3, 2025, from https://chief.com/articles/chief-networking-study-2023

Gray, D. M., Hicks, N., & Rundels, J. J. (2020). Getting in the game: Putting golf at the forefront of your networking toolbox. Business Horizons, 63(5), 627–636. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bushor.2020.05.005

National Golf Foundation. (n.d.). Golf industry research. The Clubhouse. Retrieved August 3, 2025, from https://www.ngf.org/the-clubhouse/golf-industry-research/